As an adult, who has learned to not trust their own instincts and intuition, many of us find it very difficult to navigate life. We may find we make many "incorrect" decisions, then in the pattern of our abuse, we blame ourselves and beat ourselves up. Sometimes, we don't even understand that we are perpetuating these patterns until someone else points them out to us. I was in that pattern until the man who would be my husband pointed them out to me. It was a terrifying realization to come to, that I had no idea I was repeating these patterns, let alone figuring out how to go about healing that part of me.
By the grace of God, I found a therapist who was safe and helped me regain my self trust and the belief that I "could" heal. However, during one of our first sessions, he said to me, "the best way to find a good, reputable therapist is not by picking a name out of a phone book," which is precisely what I did. Yet on some level, I trusted that I would find what I needed.At one point during my healing process, I was advised to try out support groups because some survivors find them a helpful tool. This time, I researched the support groups in my area and settled on one to give a try. My first and only meeting did not go well. I felt attacked and judged and the mediator did nothing. I did not try any other support groups since I did not have confidence that I could find one that I would fit into. One key for me was actually listening to myself about not going back. I did have an internal battle about intellectually being told that it would help, but on my gut, intuitive, self trust level, I knew it wasn't for me. That was my first step in trusting myself again. Taking the time to actually listen to myself and allow myself to trust that the churning feeling I got every time I thought about going back to that support group meant that I shouldn't go.
As each survivor knows, healing is not an easy process. Sometimes, it's down right scary. One of the most important things you can do for yourself, no matter where you are in your process, is to begin to trust your inner voice. Your gut feelings will never lead you astray. In the beginning, you may experience some conflict between what you have been told and what your gut tells you. It is important that you discern whether your thoughts are echos of things you have been told in the past, especially when they conflict with what your gut feelings are telling you.
This article gives some practical advice on how to develop self trust 3 Ways to Develop Self Trust.
