Now is the time to cinch up your courage and take the important first step on your path to processing your abuse and ultimately making changes in the self-destructive and maladaptive behaviors that have become your coping mechanisms.As we discussed before, you must establish some level of calm in your life before embarking on this journey. If you find you move from one disaster to another in your life, please revisit the Crisis Mode Stabilization post on this blog and the corresponding sections of the Survivor to Thriver Manual.
In Stage One recovery, your main task will be to acknowledge one of the reasons your life may be unsatisfying or even harmful to you your childhood abuse and then begin to regain some self-control and stability by identifying the trauma symptoms that may be left over from your past. Out of this new awareness of the long-term impact of the abuse is born a commitment to recovery. The steps in Stage One will help you begin to heal the wounds inside and thus pave the way for changes to be made later on in Stage Two and Stage Three.
How long will this take? Each Stage can take anywhere from one to three years to complete. This depends on the severity of your abuse, how much of your abuse you remember, and the extent of emotional wounding that occurred. This may seem like forever and it may feel overwhelming to think of it in those terms. Please remember, each individual survivor's journey is unique to that person. That person alone is the only one who can determine the pace of their recovery. Please do not compare your recovery to that of any other survivor. We are all different. We have all experienced different levels and severity of abuse. We all have our own way of coping with our wounds. Most importantly, we alone are the ones who can determine that it is time to move on to the next step.
How do I know I'm ready to move on to the next step? Listen to the voice of your newly developing self that fair, honest and
objective sense inside you that is growing stronger day by day. Listen
to this voice and cultivate its developing wisdom. This voice will
signal when you have resolved the task or issue presented by each step.
The step is accomplished if you can demonstrate the task in action with
another person your therapist, partner or ASCA members and thus begin
to integrate it into your new self. If you move forward to another
step prematurely, simply admit it to yourself and return to the earlier
step until you resolve it. Remember, too, that the 21 Steps are flexible
and that you do not have to work them in a linear progression.Your recovery may not be flawless and that is perfectly fine! Follow your journey of recovery YOUR way, in YOUR time, at YOUR comfort level. This is not a race. You do not have to heal at anyone else's pace or according to anyone else's concepts. You are in control of how your journey progresses. The most important thing is to consistently re-enforce and integrate the new standards and values you are creating for yourself. These will form the foundation on which you will continue to build in Stage Two and Stage Three.
Take time to calm and center and we will begin Step One in the next post. You can do this!
