Step One ~ I am in breakthrough crisis, having gained some sense of my abuse.
At this point, Survivors often experience a "breakthrough crisis." This is when something happens that releases a flood of old memories, feelings, and even physical sensations of their abuse. Not all survivors are disturbed when this happens, however, for many it can be a very trying time in their recovery. This may even be what pushes the Survivor to finally face their past and seek help.
The
ways in which your breakthrough crisis manifests can depend on the level
of abuse you went through. Those who experienced less severe abuse may
experience a low-grade, perpetual state of disorganization in which
everything that can go wrong does go wrong. This can reinforce your
anxiety, depression and shame all your worst feelings about yourself.
Those who experienced more extreme and prolonged abuse in which terror
or violence often experienced. This leaves you feeling like the scared
little child again, lacking any
sort of adult control over your life. You may even think you are going
crazy and may come up with all sorts of possible explanations for what
is going on. Triggers for this type of reaction can include seeing a
movie, engaging in a relationship that unexpectedly turns
abusive or having a sexual experience that somehow parallels the
childhood sexual abuse.As a child, you developed formidable psychological defenses to protect yourself against this massive assault, and you probably continued to rely on these rigid defenses well into adulthood, until they no longer worked for you. Like an earthquake, this realignment results in the release of powerful feelings and energy, and can create periods of disorganization, helplessness and incredible fear. If you are a survivor of truly severe abuse, you may have mini-breakthrough crises as each new set of abuse memories surfaces, although these smaller crises are usually not as tumultuous as the first.
Crises are scary. You have been used to screening out all stimuli that
might trigger your out-of-control feelings, only to feel that now you
have lost control over your mind. Although it is frightening to do so,
it is best in the long run to let these feelings out. Although the breakthrough crisis is normal, you should take special
precautions during this time to preserve your safety and to promote
healthy integration of these memories and feelings. Anyone is
vulnerable in a crisis, and there have been reports of survivors
attempting suicide or engaging in other self- destructive behaviors in
response to the crisis. Your task during the breakthrough crisis is to minimize the danger to
yourself by reaching out for help while riding the tidal wave of
feelings safely into shore. The Survivor to Thriver Manual has some great Self Help information and exercises. It is important that you give yourself the time you need to work through each step. You do not have to hurry. Your healing is on YOUR timetable. If you need to work Step One for several weeks, allow yourself that time. Hurrying through the steps without doing the work will not help you in the long run. Always make sure to have your list of support people handy and reach out if you feel you are having trouble. If you find it hard to reach out to someone you know, please see the Resources page on this blog for contact numbers of centers that can help you.
