This step asks you to determine and then acknowledge to yourself that you were abused as a child and that the effects of the abuse may be causing some of your difficulties as an adult. Many of us who are in the process of recalling memories of our past may not yet have objective evidence of the abuse, and we may never find outside validation or corroboration of what happened. Instead, our evidence may be more intuitive. Even in the absence of "hard evidence," these intuitive feelings are significant and should not be dismissed. Many abuse survivors were either too traumatized or psychologically incapable of organizing memories into words and images that can be recollected years later. If this is where you are in your recovery now, continue to work this step to clarify the kind of abuse you suffered. If you need to, refer to the section on "False Memories, Real Memories," in Chapter One.
An important sub-goal in this step is learning to accept your feelings about the abuse, whatever they may be at this time. These feelings may not make complete sense to you, but they are there for a reason. In the same way that the pain from a bruise tells you of a physical injury, the feelings associated with your abuse signal an internal emotional bruise. Instead of ignoring the feelings, you should try to figure out what those feelings are telling you. As a survivor, you probably had your feelings invalidated by your parents or abusers, so not recognizing your feelings as valid now may be an old pattern you want to break. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt when it comes to verifying your feelings. You will need time and help to sort out what happened, free of the denial and distortion of the past.You can find the Self Help exercises for this Step in the Survivor to Thriver Manual. Please remember when working on these exercises that you should have a good support system in place including a therapist, support group, crisis hotline numbers, and perhaps a trusted friend. If you become overwhelmed by your feelings and thoughts when doing the exercises, please put them aside for a time and utilize your self-soothing activity list and safety plan if needed.
As I have said before, YOU are in charge of your healing process. You need not hurry through it for someone else's benefit. You control how long it takes you to work through each step and how ever long it may take for you to feel you have completed the step is the exact right amount of time. This journey belongs to you.
