The Adult World ~ Repercussions of Child Abuse

As a Survivor of child abuse, we should understand that just because the abuse is over doesn't mean that it no longer affects our lives.  Many of the long-term affects of child abuse often have a pervasive impact on all areas of a survivor's life.  Chapter Three (pg. 42) discusses some of the most frequent types of problems encountered by survivors.  We will discuss them briefly here.  Please take the time to read this section of the Survivors to Thrivers Manual and utilize the journal questions to help you understand where you stand on these issues.  Not everyone shares all the different types of symptoms, nor do all survivors experience the same degree of intensity of the problems. You will have to determine which of the problems are primary and which are secondary in your life.  Remember that the fact that you experience any (or all) of these problems does not prove that you were abused as a child or that the abuse you suffered is the cause of your current problems. These self-perceptions and problems can stem from a variety of other sources, both internal and external. 

Relationship Problems
Adult survivors often have a difficult time initiating, maintaining and enjoying relationships. Any kind of relationship, ranging from collegial relationships at work, to personal friendships, to parent-child relationships, to intimate, romantic relationships, may be problematic. Relationships for survivors may reflect the all-or-nothing syndrome: either too few or too many relationships that seem to come and go like people through a revolving door. In some relationships, the survivor may assume a particular role and proceed to play out a replication of the past abuse. Given that child abuse most often occurs in the context of family relationships, the possibility of your repeating old patterns in personal adult relationships should not be underestimated.

Low Self-Esteem
If there is one quality most survivors share, it is low self-esteem. Chronic feelings of being bad or unworthy are intricately connected to all the other "self" words that are used to describe the adult survivor: self-effacing, self-deprecating, self-conscious, self-blaming, and so on. Low self-esteem causes survivors to become their own worst enemies by turning against themselves in a damaging reenactment of their own abuse.

Self-Sabotage
Where low self-esteem is the primary feeling of the adult survivor, self- sabotage is the corresponding behavior pattern in the external world. Self- sabotage is any kind of conscious or unconscious behavior that undermines your successful functioning in the world. Self-sabotage may range from buying a "lemon" of a used car to losing one's checkbook to becoming involved with an alcoholic partner to engaging in life-threatening activities. You may allow yourself to be exploited by a boss or engage in physically harmful or potentially dangerous activities such as cutting yourself or engaging in unsafe sex. Typically, one's pattern of self-sabotage is closely related to one's personal issues and family history. Survivors who grew up in addictive families may self-sabotage by driving while drunk or getting caught with illegal drugs. Survivors from violent families may tend to get themselves beaten or injured. Survivors from wealthy families often find themselves losing money, getting swindled or making bad investments. Studies have shown that survivors of child sexual abuse are more likely to be assaulted as adults.

 Sexual Problems
A variety of sexual problems are associated with childhood sexual abuse, although there is also evidence to suggest that physical and emotional abuse can affect the survivor's sex life as well. Survivors of sexual abuse often mistrust their partners, experience anxiety over the demands of intimacy and feel uncomfortable with their bodies.

Symptoms of Trauma
Psychic trauma is a psychological condition caused by overwhelming stress that cannot be controlled by normal coping mechanisms. It can result from a number of situations in addition to child abuse, including war or battlefront experience, natural disasters, being held hostage and being in the middle of a bombing, hijacking or shootout. Perhaps the most common symptom of such traumatic exposure is panic attacks involving hyperventilation and severe anxiety. These can be triggered by anything your senses associate with your past abuse. Insomnia, sleepwalking, nightmares and night terrors (a more extreme type of nightmare occurring during non-dreaming sleep cycles) are other signs of unresolved trauma of some sort.

Physical Ailments
Adult survivors of physical and sexual abuse frequently complain of a host of illnesses and psychosomatic problems during their adult lives. The most common generalized effects include stomach problems, difficulty in breathing, muscular tension and pain, migraine headaches, incontinence and heightened susceptibility to illness and infection. In addition, skin disorders, back pain ulcers and asthma are common ailments that are stress-related and may signify unresolved childhood abuse issues. In cases of sexual abuse, the breasts, buttocks, anus and genitals may be the site of discomfort, chronic pain and otherwise unsubstantiated sensations. If the survivor was forced to have oral sex, s/he may experience episodes of nausea, vomiting and choking that are unrelated to a physical or systemic cause. Incontinence has been found in survivors who have been sodomized. Again, we remind you that any or all of these problems may be caused by non-abuse-related factors or conditions as well.

Social Alienation
Because of their abuse experiences, most adult survivors feel stigmatized and experience people as dangerous and not to be trusted. Attending parties or other social gatherings can evoke anxiety, insecurities and concerns over not being "good enough." Fear of rejection is also a common concern for survivors. And, because they were usually harmed by adults whom they trusted, survivors tend to carry their fear of being harmed by others into the present.

Handling Feelings
All adults carry feelings that are rooted in their childhood developmental experiences. Adult survivors, however, may have particularly powerful feelings that are left over from their abuse. These feelings can be triggered by circumstances that are somehow reminiscent of the abuse and, in the context of being a survivor, may have particular importance. Anxiety is the result of not having known what to expect or how to act in social or family situations. Fear and anger are both natural responses to the threat or act of assault. Sadness results from recognizing that your parents or another trusted adult could abuse you. Shame and guilt tell you that you still hold yourself responsible for what happened.

Rage is the built-up reservoir of the anger that could never be safely expressed within your family. Frustration is the feeling you are left with when nothing seems to go your way. Confusion is a sign that you don't know why something has happened or what you can do about it. Alienation from others is the result of too many disappointments. Helplessness, hopelessness and powerlessness are the feelings that tell you that you are resigned to life as it is and may have temporarily given up on it ever being better. Your feelings always tell you something important about yourself, even if sometimes the message is frightening, troubling or saddening.
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Recognizing that child abuse may continue to impact you past your childhood is a necessary step in your recovery. The tendency to sabotage yourself in various aspects of your life does not mean that you are a bad person; it means that you are a wounded person. Identifying the wounds and acknowledging the difficulties that grow out of them is an essential part of healing.  When doubts about being able to handle your recovery begin to surface, remember that you have survived the torment as a child, and that this is the worst part of the abuse. As an adult, you have new capabilities, new choices and a great deal more control over your life. Be open to new understandings of what you experienced. Most of all, you are not alone.  Change can be scary, but it can also be healing.  Perhaps it's time to find an ASCA meeting in your area and see what happens next. 

With the next post, we will begin our journey through the steps of recovery.