Courage and Time

Hello Friends,

My it has been a long time since we came together.  My deepest apologies, life sent things topsy-turvy for a while and I'm just getting my feet back on the ground.  So instead of jumping back into the ASCA Steps to Recovery, I thought I would share some things that helped me find my courage.

You see, a few years ago, I was in what I thought was a safe, healing space.  Unfortunately, someone in that group was a predator.  I will not go into the specific details of what happened to me.  I do not wish to trigger anyone else with my experience.  However, what happened to me sent me to a very dark place.  That place was darker than the one I was in when I first began my journey from survivor to thriver.  I felt out of control and had no idea what to do. 

When I was able to find some semblance of thinking in the days that followed, I knew I had to go

back to what I knew at the beginning of my journey.  I took out my journals from the time was in therapy and re-read them looking for ways to make sense of my feelings and find my footing.  I made sure I had the numbers for the local crisis hotline and my therapist in easy reach in case they were needed.  I set about making lists of self soothing activities I could do for when I started to feel out of control or ungrounded (do the dishes, drink a cup of tea, read a book, color, etc.).   I again went through the "Survivor to Thriver Manual" to refresh my understanding of the process back to myself. 

It was not an easy time.  I had to fight to find myself again after years of work to finally feel whole.  For a lot of us the word fight has a negative emotion connected to it.  When we are growing up, we are told not to fight with our siblings and classmates.  As a survivor, we are told during the abuse to fight our natural instincts of self-preservation when things feel wrong.  As people-pleasers, we are taught that our natural fight to take care of ourselves first is selfish. 

Wow, that's a lot of negativity connected to one word!  So it is not uncommon to feel that fighting FOR yourself is wrong.  One definition of the word fight is "to put forth a determined effort."  As a survivor, you MUST put forth a determined effort to heal.  This is even more crucial when you have been on your journey and experience a setback.  Setbacks can come in the form of a flashback, a trigger, a negative person who wishes you would just get over it already, or even in the person who abused you who is still in your life trying to convince you there is nothing wrong.  It is at these times that we must remember and utilize the tools available to use: a list of the crisis hotline numbers for your local area, your therapist's phone number, a trusted friend's phone number, a list of self-soothing activities, and any other things you have found helpful in grounding you on your journey. 

A setback does not mean that all is lost.  A setback means that you must fight that much harder to find and stay in the light!  You have already survived the abuse, so you can survive and ultimately thrive on your journey!  This is YOUR time!  The time to put yourself and your needs first.  The time to confirm that you are a survivor, not a victim!  Your time to believe that you have the right and the courage to take your journey to not just surviving, but thriving!  I know you can do it!